a short reflection on my grandpa and the state of things

It has been just over one month since I lost my grandfather, Sidney Greenwald, whom we, the grandkids, called "Bakka". I link to his obituary here because, as I said in my eulogy, I am so proud to have been able to call this man my grandfather. Other than his distinguished service to so many causes and his many "official" accomplishments, he was also a loving, equanimous, funny, and worldly man. Who else can claim that they love to talk politics with a grandparent? I had that privilege. As his good friend, Barbara, wrote to me: "He often thought the world was going to the dogs, but he never lost that glint in his eye, which seemed to say that it could be fixed if we all just tried hard enough."

Bakka (Sidney Greenwald) chilling in his yard (7/2014).

Bakka and me, at my cousin Stephanie's wedding (9/2014).

I can't help but wonder how my grandfather would have reacted to the recent tragedy in Orlando. I will confess that I can't remember ever having talked about LGBTQ issues with him. We had our fair share of conversations about extremism, Middle East politics, and the dangerous possibility of a Donald Trump presidency. For a 95-year-old, he was quite progressive. In some ways, though, I think he had a traditional conception of the United States' role in the world and our responsibility to lead. He was especially tough on our political leaders, of course, but I think he saw it as a responsibility that we all share. During times like these, after such a tragic loss of innocent human life, I think he would have shaken his head in disgust at the gunman and his ruinous and twisted sense of purpose. He would have read the devastating stories from victims' families and survivors. (Bakka read The Providence Journal in paper form every day until his death, with a giant magnifying glass, and was also quite tapped into online news and social media.) But in the end, he would have urged our political leaders, and all Americans, to look inward and understand where the rot was coming from. While the hateful ideologies of religious extremism would have earned his utmost contempt, Bakka never settled for placing full blame elsewhere. Having tried, and failed, to stem mass violence in this country wouldn't have been good enough for him.

I would have hated to disappoint my grandfather, so it was always hard to see our country disappointing him. What seems to me to be missing these days is a basic trust in one another to do the right and honorable thing. I don't think Bakka ever lost this trust in the individuals he met -- in Rhode Island and in his many travels around the world -- but I do think he sensed that we were losing this trust on a collective level. I hope, in memory of my grandfather, we can all start to put the pieces back together again.